Elder Care Guidance 

Red Flags to Watch

for when visiting aging family members over the Holidays  

• Change in weight
• Change in short term memory
• Change in usual routine
• Change is speech and/or ambulation
• Bills not being paid
• Entering contests
• Refusing to go with friends on outings or going to church
• Refusing any suggestions as well as agreeing to everything
  without giving consideration to consequences
• Mood swings, getting angry quickly
• Refusing to see medical providers
• Inability to take care of activities of daily living: cooking,
  dressing, bathing, housekeeping to name a few.

 Visiting Aging Parents During the Holidays

 Geriatric care managers often receives calls from adult children of
aging parents that ask the question, “I’ll be seeing my aging parents
this Holiday and I have some concerns about their mental status or
their ability to live independently.” “What should I ask or how do I
help without taking away their autonomy?”

The following with be helpful in your conversation and observation of
your parents:

Be honest. If you are concerned about their needs, say so. State
this in an “I” message. Example, “I am concerned about your diet,
you seem to be losing weight.” Or “I noticed that you call me often
and forget we have just talked, are you concerned about your
memory”?     “I am”.

When parents frequently call you long-distance and complain
about vague symptoms, sometimes they are telling you that they
are scared or lonely. Try to get to what the underlying issue is and
don’t focus so much on the vague symptoms. All medical complaints
need to be evaluated by a health care professional.

Tell your parent/s that you respect their autonomy. Wanting
them to be independent and to support their independence, you
need to know about a few important items to help them when and if
and emergency presents itself:

What kind of legal planning have they done? If they became
disabled could you or another party take over without going to the
court system? This means they have a trust and Durable Power of
Attorneys for Health and Finances in place.

Talk about their finances. What is their monthly income? Where
does the income come from? What are their assets? Get a list of
bank accounts and brokerage accounts. Is the income sufficient to
meet their needs? They could be entitled to some government
programs if they are low income or even middle income.

What is their medical insurance and what are the numbers
associated with those polices. What is their social security number? Do they have life insurance policies or long term care policies? If they have this insurance get the names and phone numbers of the companies.

Have they pre-paid for Funeral and/or Burial expenses?
Where have they done this? What is the phone number of the
mortuary and/or cemetery?

Who is their doctor/s? What medications are they currently
taking? List them all and ask what each medication is for. Ask
them if they take any over the counter medications or vitamins or
herbs?

How often do they see friends? Do you have the name and
phone number of a friend they see often?

Are they drinking alcohol? If yes, how much?

Are they driving safely? Do they have convenient transportation?

 
Provided by:
The National Association of Professional
Geriatric Care Managers (GCM)
www.caremanager.org